Elizabeth (greyautumnrain) wrote,

I'd rather have a root canal...

This no posting during lunch thing is going to seriously cramp my style...

On Saturday morning after the woman RSC called to tell me that they'd dropped the petri dish on the floorsadly none of my embryos had survived the night she told me that they had counselor available and asked me if I wanted to talk to one. I told her no rather politely and absently because I was too busy wondering how they'd managed to loose the embryos to rail at the stupidity of the proposition.

First off, this is my third failed IVF cycle, but only the first time I've been offered counseling. Why now? Maybe its because its the first time RSC had to break the news themselves. I have no clue. All I know is that afterward I found it extremely irritating.

I suppose the root problem here is that I do not have a good opinion of the profession. This goes back to junior high and high school where I had a series of guidance counselors, each of whom was worse than the last. They were all worse than useless. I can't imagine the type of counselor they have here being helpful either. Its not like they are going to get me pregnant. I suppose they might want me to talk about what I'm feeling on the stupid theory that I might need help dealing with my emotions. I do not need some touchy feeling type for that. I am feeling sad, frustrated, disappointed and very, very angry. I think the first three are self explanatory. The last is because I tend to transmute excess negative emotion into anger. Anger is a useful emotion for me, easier to deal with than most others and useful in channeling my energy towards attacking a situation. I don't need a touchy feeling type who can't handle a real profession to tell me how to deal with my emotions.

The cynical voice inside me is also saying that maybe RSC has counselorss attached to the clinic because they want us to become emotionally dependent on them as our IVF provider. They want to be our beacon of hope in our infertility nightmare. They may even want to talk us into doing something that we don't want to do like use donor eggs because then they would still get our insurance money without further ruining their success rate statistics. In any case, there was no way I had any interest in talking to these people.

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