Dear Universe...

You know, the last time I requested that a baby be born, you weren't anywhere near this difficult about it. I remember quite distinctly asking my parents for a little sister. We were still living in Queens at the time, which is the only way I have to date that request, so it must have been before February 1974, I'm guessing it was some time in 1973. Margaret, the most kick-ass little sister you can imagine was born in May of 1974. You delivered exactly what I asked for then, so what the heck is the problem this time around?

Is it lack of specificity? I know that 'healthy, live baby' isn't very specific. Not a problem. You want specific, I can give you specific. I want to have a baby. That baby needs to have the right number of chromosomes, half from me and half from psychohist. It needs to have my mitochondrial DNA. I'd prefer that the baby be female; I want a daughter. She needs to be at least as smart as me, but I'd prefer it if she were even smarter than her father. She needs to be at least as pretty as me, but prettier would be better. If she had Margaret's poise that would be a plus. I'd like her to grow up to be between 5'7" and 5'9", because being taller than average is nice, but being too tall is a pain. I'd like her to be slim and strong. I want her to have blue eyes like mine, but they should be almond shaped like her father's. Dark auburn is my preferred hair color given the likely options. She should have fair skin, no spots, no freckles, no annoying moles. As for any other parameters, halfway between me and psychohist is what I want. There you go, can you ask for more specific than that?

So please, can we stop with the thwarting already?