For me it was this morning, shortly after 11 am when the embryologists had us sign off on the embryos we would be transferring. I took one look at the grades and that's when it happened.
"I thought we had five," was the only protest I managed to make at the time. (You must understand that I had to have a full bladder for the procedure and was mostly concentrating on not spraying the room with an amount of liquid that impressed both the nurse and the sonagram tech.) Oh yes, we did have five, but it turns out that they all.... well, lets say they don't test very well.
As planned we did indeed transfer the three best one. Unfortunately the three best were an 8CF and two 4CFs. The C is the part that worries me, that's the fragmentation. You may recall my best embryo last time around was a 7BF. The other two we were told had been discarded, they were a 4DP and a 3DP, not suitable for transfer or freezing. At the debrief last time Jedi Master Grace Wendo said she would consider that first cycle to be effectively a single embryo transfer, that the 5CF didn't really count. It doesn't take much to extrapolate that probably two and maybe all three of these shouldn't really count by that measure. Warren and I didn't need to say anything to each other at the time, we were both thinking the same thing; we could do the math.
We'd been so happy when we heard we had five embryos, because we'd assumed that there would be a range in quality. I was kind of assuming that at least two of the embryos would be as good as the good one last time. I was assuming that it meant we had a better chance this time around. I am not assuming that anymore, quite the opposite. I will of course do all I can for the next two weeks to make sure that they have the best chance possible, but I can't say that I'm really hopeful.