Elizabeth (greyautumnrain) wrote,

You just can't say the right thing around me...

I am perhaps overly sensitive on the subject. At least I didn't kill the woman in the gym with her that woman story, the particular variant of which was women-who-adopts-after-failed-IVF-and-then-gets-pregnant-on-vacation-at-40. Why do people tell these stories? The absolute last thing I want to hear about is someone else getting pregnant.

What I'm riled about now is Aunt Mary's Christmas card. At first glance I'm sure it seems innocuous enough. A religious themed card, but you have to expect that from Aunt Mary, who is very Catholic. She wished me every happiness, which was sweet of her. It was the other sentance that got me. "I am living with my daughter & son-in-law and their two adopted daughters now."

I haven't mentioned my cousin Laura on the blog before, though she's been in my mind a whole lot these past couple of years. There wasn't a pressing reason to. The card though, got to me. You see, Laura also has endometriosis. Laura's endometriosis also caused infertility. This is why the daughters mentioned in Aunt Mary's card are adopted.

When I saw Laura's two girls at Margaret's wedding the thing that struck me about them was how much they were like Margaret and me at that age. The older one was seriously into books and talking to the adults, while the younger one was the social butterfly. It was uncanny, and several family members remarked on it. Of course everyone knows that they are adopted, including the girls, but they fit into the family seamlessly. No one mentioned the fact that they were adopted at the wedding. It was just so completely irrelevant.

Perhaps I have just gotten too PC about the whole infertility thing and related issues like adoption, by why does Aunt Mary have to qualify her line with 'adopted daughters' instead of just 'daughters'? Its not like Laura has any non-adopted daughters to cause me any confusion. So why qualify it? The only reason I can think of is that she thinks differently of those two girls than she thinks of her son Richard's two girls, at least subconaciously, and that's not OK in my book. Laura's girls are Laura's daughters in Laura's heart, that much is crystal clear. I'm sure Laura isn't constantly thinking 'my adopted daughters' instead of just 'my daughters'. Sure, Laura has to think about the fact that her girls were born to other women from time to time, but I doubt its what's on the top of her mind when she's taking them to basketball practice or whatever. The totally unnecessary qualification from Aunt Mary just strikes me as very wrong.

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