Elizabeth (greyautumnrain) wrote,

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Hope is a Mental Illness

...at least when you're trying to have a baby.

This is the 28th cycle we've been trying to have a baby, so the kicker is that I know better. We didn't have any sophisticated medical stuff going on this month. According to Warren's research (I love the fact that he researches these things for us) I have a 6% chance of having conceived this month, based on the endometriosis and subsequent removal thereof. I believe I ovulated on Wednesday last week, possibly Tuesday. If I did conceive this cycle, its almost certain that nothing has implanted yet, so my body wouldn't have anything to react to yet. And yet... Going into work this morning there was a dead, headless bird by the side door where I was entering. I started to have the gagging coughs I get when my body wants to throw up but there's nothing in the stomach to work with. The first thought that flashed through my mind was that I must be pregnant if something so trivial was giving me the urge to puke. Yeah right, as if it had nothing to do with walking less that a foot away from a multilated animal corpse on a very empty stomach. It is a measure of just how crazy hope will make you that I had to spend time arguing myself out of the morning sickness scenario when I knew that it was a) way way way too early and b) there was a much more reasonable explaination, like the fact that the mere mention of the dead bird in this entry might cause some of my more delicate friends to want to puke... sorry about that.
Tags: ttc

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