Elizabeth (greyautumnrain) wrote,

Did you have to tell me twice?

Warren's mother and father are not on speaking terms, thus I got to hear twice that Warren's brother George and his wife are expecting their second child. Actually its George's third kid. I blame George of course.

Theoretically I should be happy for Brittany. She's a nice person, easy to get along with, etc. She is also not the one broadcasting the news. Still, it hurts, because two years ago I thought it would be easier for me to get pregnant than it was for her. You see, Brittany had a cyst as a teenager that got removed and as a result she is down one ovary. It took them eight months to conceive their first, which they finally accomplished shortly before Warren and I started trying. At the time I thought that was a very long time to have to wait. (Actually, its still a long time to wait, but if you could guarentee me that I would get pregnant eight months from now it wouldn't be so bad.) When they finally managed to conceive their first I was a tiny bit disappointed to lose the chance to be first, but I was still really happy for them. I thought how nice it would be if I got pregnant right away so the cousins would be the same age. Now that she's got a second one in her uterus things are different. I suppose that in a very theoreticaly sense I'm still happy for them, but that's not the primary emotion I am feeling right now.

I am of course being entirely illogical to be hurt by the news of another's pregnancy. Logically I know there's not some finite amount of fertility in the world. Still, it bugs me seeing pregnant women. I also know that there are a lot of other infertile women out there who also feel this way. Its kind of bizarre really, because I read all sorts of blogs of people with kids and other infertile women who have gotten pregnant. I like hearing about the medical details about the pregnancies of complete strangers, but seeing some random pregnant woman in the cafeteria at work will make me stew in resentment. Babies are OK for some reason. Its the bellies and the happy news from non-infertiles that brings that red glow to my eyes.
Tags: family, not my day, ttc

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