Elizabeth (greyautumnrain) wrote,

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Marking Time

My Beta for this cycle is on Monday. I'm not feeling terribly hopeful, to be honest. I know there's a chance it worked, but its not as good a chance as last month, and we know how that turned out. This month I only had one big follicle (not that they really expect more than that, but I had two last time), and the sperm counts were lower. Not really low, but lower. There is a chance that it worked, but given that it didn't last month with better numbers all around, I think a negative won't come as much of a surprise.

I have no "symptoms" this time around. Last month I had all sorts of crazy uterine twinges and cramping. It was so easy to belive that something was going on in there. It was probably just a combination of my overactive imagination and my over-stimulated hormones. This month there's nothing. I know that doesn't really mean anything. If it did work, implantation would be anywhere from 7DPO to 10DPO. Its most likely that I wouldn't feel any symptoms caused by a pregnancy until after the beta. Tell that to my subconcous, though.

I feel very much like I'm marking time. Waiting for the beta, then my period, then the next cycle. Some days it feels like I'm just going through the motions. I long ago ceased to believe that being with my husband would result in a baby, and now I'm starting to feel that way about the medical interventions. The kicker is they still can't find anything wrong with me. Maybe if they could, I'd believe that this stuff would work.
Tags: ttc

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