I've can't remember if I've posted this here before, but there's all sorts of fascinating data about me here. OK, maybe its only fascinating if you're female and interested in reproduction (or the failure thereof), and otherwise really bored. Still, it is well over a year's worth of data.
As a nerd, I started collecting data partway through my first cycle TTC. This is when I aquired a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. This seems to be the current bible on everything you could possibly want to know about women's cycles. It tells you how to chart your cycles and figure out when you are (theoretically) fertile. Then a couple of months in I found fertility-friend.com which offered charting software over the web. What more could a nerd want?
And so, I collected data. Its all stored on this web page that I can access from home or work, whenever I feel the need to contemplate what's going on in my retroverted uterus. In the early months this lead to a fair deal over over-analysis, especially when it came to the post ovulation data. You see, there are several indications in those temperatures that might hint at a possible pregnancy. You might have spotting 7 to 10 days after ovulation, indicating that an embryo has implanted and disturbed a bit of the uterine lining. There's also a temperature dip that sometimes happens around the same time, that might indicate implantation. Most positive of all, you might see a second upward shift in temperature around this time due to extra progesterone being produced by an implated embryo. At this point in my data collecting I've seen all of these things before (though I admit any spotting was so light I may have imagined it), and I have never seen so much as an evaporation line on my extra-sensitive home pregnacy tests.
So, if this were last fall I'd be looking at my chart as of this morning and thinking happy thoughts. There's a dip at 6DPO and the temperatures afterwards are ever-so-slightly higher. Its not last fall though, so my reaction is more along the lines of "This is an anomoly I've seen before, and the temperatures will do their normal thing and start trending downward any day now." I'm not going to feel excited or optimistic. I have no intention of getting excited until I see two lines on a HPT. Even then, it'll be excitment for having finally fertilized something; there's a good reason why you traditionally don't tell anyone before you're 12 weeks along.
I want to get my hopes up. I want to think that this month will be the month. I want to read so much into a measly couple of not-very-accurate data points. I just can't do it to myself anymore, when I know based on past experience that its likely to end it bitter disappointment sometime this weekend.