May 15th, 2007

Summer Hat

Infertile Milestones

This was the first year that I hated Mother's Day. For those of you keeping notes, the end of this month will mark the three solid years of my trying to get knocked up. A lot of infertile women hate Mother's Day, so I know that the feeling is normal.

Why does it suddenly bother me this year? Well, last year I had the surgery to look forward to. Sure, this year I have an IVF to look forward to, but given that its IVF #3, you'll pardon me if I'm not all eager with anticipation. I'm not sure why it bothered me for the first (but probably not the last) time this year. Maybe its the though I keep thinking that if things had gone anywhere near close to plan I'd have a toddler by now and be working on a second baby. Maybe its the fact that I am now the only woman in my family who is not a mother. Maybe I'm just fed up with being infertile. Whatever it is, the day bothered me this year, and I expect that even if I eventually manage to procreate I will hate it forever after.

Tell me, why is it that the mothers get a day? Sure, I get the sleepless nights taking care of a fussy/sick/teething baby, the unrelenting effort of caring for a small child, the total lack of me time, not to mention the cost of taking care of the little darlings. I mean, I did once care for six month old solo for an entire weekend, its not like I have no concept of what is involved here. Its hard, hard work, and if I ever get so lucky its going to make anything I've done before look like cake. The thing is, the mothers HAVE A CHILD. They get the one thing I've always wanted, and they get a day where people are supposed to send them flowers and whatever too. How fair is that?

After the obligatory to call to my own mother I spent Sunday running heroic instances in Warcraft with my husband. That's something we probably would not be able to do with a small child around. Would I rather have spent the day being spit-up upon and fussed at by a cranky baby with a leaky diaper? If the child was mine, I surely would.