Elizabeth (greyautumnrain) wrote,

Still nursing for now...

It happened sometime in mid November, I crossed the line where I had been nursing Duncan longer that I nursed Margaret. I was too busy to bother looking up exactly where that line would have been, but it was never far from my mind at the time.

Just in case you need a review, I had to quit nursing Margaret when I started medication for the IVF cycle that brought us Duncan. I do not regret the decision, I still believe it was the best decision we could have made without a foolproof method of predicting the future, but in an ideal world I would have preferred to nurse Margaret longer. I still remember nursing Margaret that last morning before going to work, knowing it would be the last time ever. I actually tried to get her to start up again when my milk came in for Duncan, but she’d never did more than put her mouth to my nipple.

I like nursing. Sure, at 3 am I am not over the moon about it, but having a warm snuggly baby in your lap happily sucking away has a lot to recommend it. Even getting bitten several times after Duncan’s first tooth emerged did not do much to damp my enthusiasm. It is dawning on me, though, that Duncan himself might not like it quite as much as I do (or as his sister did). He is intensely interested in solid foods, especially table foods, (and most especially ones he can feed himself), and given a choice between solids and nursing he’ll pick solids consistently unless he is sleepy. He does a good job with them too, on Monday night he demolished half a rib from Red Bones, and that was after I fed him about an ounce of pulled pork. I suspect that he may be in the really early stages of maybe self-weaning.

I am not entirely sure how I feel about this state of affairs. I would guess an odd combination of wistful and relieved. I want to keep nursing my little baby boy. On the other hand, while he is only ten months old he has a tooth and has started to walk; it’s a little hard to ignore the fact that he won’t be a baby for very much longer, never mind forever. There is also the looming issue of when I might have to wean him. We still want that third kid that we originally wanted before we knew about my fertility issues. We’re looking for a more sane spacing this time around than 19 months apart, but it can’t bee too big a spacing on account of me being 40 already with known fertility issues. We’re thinking that if we do manage to conceive again (huge, huge IF), that having the next one 2 to 2.5 years after Duncan would be ideal. That means conceiving when Duncan is 15 to 21 months old. Assuming that I don’t conceive spontaneously in the meantime (ha ha ha), that probably means weaning Duncan a few months after his first birthday in order to embark on IVF #6. The hardest part of IVF #5 was that first night trying to get Margaret to take a bottle when she wanted the boob and holding her in bed while she cried herself to sleep in frustration about not being allowed to nurse. If Duncan decides on his own that he’d rather eat adult food before we get to that point with him it might make things a whole lot easier for everyone.

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