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Future Plans - Elizabeth Unexplained
Lots of data but no answers
Future Plans
Duncan is six weeks old as of today. He coos at me and smiles at both Margaret and me. He has this awesome one-sided smile thing he does sometimes. Margaret is a wonderful big sister to him, and is in the process of adjusting to shared attention. She is also suddenly very into books, which I love. She's also into longer and more complex books, her new favorite is Are You My Mother by P.D. Eastman. I love them both so much.

The important thing about the six week mark is that it's time for my six week postpartum checkup; it's scheduled for tomorrow with the nurse practitioner. This is when one tends to get cleared to resume a certain intimacy with one's husband. It is also when the health care professional is expected to ask you a certain question, one that is positively absurd in my case. They are pretty much required to ask though, and once we all get through laughing I will give my answer as to what I plan to do about birth control: not a thing.

We had lunch an Mary Chung's yesterday and Mary came over to admire the kids. Margaret is very popular at that restaurant, and this time around Duncan was awake too and got his share of compliments. I said, "I am very lucky." What else does one say when people are telling you how cute your kids are? Mary agreed that I was very lucky, noting that I had a girl and a boy. When she said it I guessed that she figured we were done having kids; enugent had warned me that people would expect me to be done after the second kid, especially since I had one of each gender. I suppose it's what most people want, and I'm happy to have it as my family so far, but I'm not ready to say I'm done yet.

When we started trying to have kids back in the mists of time (2004), the plan was to have three kids. I love kids, and Warren was happy to have a slightly larger than average family. We figured that three kids was the number we could manage without going crazy or broke. We did a little rechecking after Duncan was born, but our conclusion is still that we can handle three. The only open question is whether or not science can get me pregnant again. I'll be turning 40 in six months, and I don't want to rush to wean again. That means I'm probably going to be closing in on 41 before I do another IVF cycle. Sure, it's not mission impossible, but with my history... Any way you look at it, it make preventative measures for a natural pregnancy pretty moot. I'd like another child, and given how tough that will be to achieve even with the best science available there is no way I'd attempt to block my microscopic chances of a happy accident.
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chenoameg From: chenoameg Date: March 15th, 2010 09:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

6 week checkup

Yeah, I was somewhat frustrated that the midwife didn't remember my saga (the one doing my 6 week checkup was the same one who heard my whole saga at the first appointment.)
psychohist From: psychohist Date: March 17th, 2010 05:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
"We did a little rechecking after Duncan was born ..."

Observant readers may notice something missing here: what happened to the rechecking after Margaret was born? Evidently we forgot to do it.

I think the issue was that Margaret was such a huge improvement to our lives that we didn't really examine what had happened. What had happened was that we had been spending 30 hours a week on Warcraft, which shifted to Margaret instead. Margaret was much more fun, so that was a pure improvement. It didn't hurt that we had planned it out, shifting some chores from Elizabeth to me to give her more time for child care, but the truth is that we had enough time for Margaret with time to spare.

It worked out so well that we didn't think about how it happened, and I think we just assumed things would be fine when a second child came along. Of course, that meant that we weren't prepared when Duncan came along, since we didn't have another 30 hours a week of relatively low priority hobby time to give up. We still wanted to give each of the two kids as much attention as Margaret got when she was an only child, and we simply didn't have that much time and attention available.

I think we're finally adjusting, though I also think one of the key things that had to give was that the kids don't each get as much parental attention as an only child would. But this does mean we're being more careful about the third child. So far, though, all the information we've found seems to indicate that a third child doesn't add much more of a burden the way the second child does.

Edited at 2010-03-17 05:36 pm (UTC)
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