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I'm holding a loaded syringe... - Elizabeth Unexplained
Lots of data but no answers
greyautumnrain
greyautumnrain
I'm holding a loaded syringe...
One of my less nice traits is my tendancy to be insensitive towards other people's phobias. That is, phobias that they have and that I do not share. Poor psychohist usually bears the brunt of this. He is, quite sensibly, not so keen on heights. I am not at all bothered by heights to the point where you might consider me broken in that respect. I swear I must have taken years off my mother's life when we crossed the Pontcysyllte Aqueduct and I leaned out over the side of the boat (and the aqueduct, which has no railing on that side) to get a better look. Now it is my husband who gets to watch as I obliviously step right up to whatever sheer drop is available and lean over to get a better view. I don't mean to worry people, its just that I forget, and there is something to see over there. I did it to him again this past weekend. There was this balcony overlooking this rather nice indoor courtyard, and I though it would be nice stand on the balcony right at the very edge with my arm around him and look out at the courtyard, quite forgetting that standing three floors up over a stone courtyard was not his idea of a relaxing, romantic moment. If I ever fall to my death, its probably a safe bet that I had only myself to blame.

Then there are the needles, which have become such a part of my life. I've never had a problem with needles. Even as a kid I understood that shots were a necessary evil. When someone tries to get blood out of my arm I'm fine with watching while they try to get the needle in. Sure, I'll complain if they do a bad job and cause a lot of unnecessary bruising, but the idea of being punctured by a needle does not especially bother me. I used to give blood regularly (back before the red cross got paranoid about mad cow and would take my blood) and never had a problem with it, even when my veins were veing elusive. One of the things that makes IVF not so bad for me is that once I knew how to give myself the shots, the act of doing so doesn't cause me much concern. I double check the dosages and take care to do it correctly, but I don't worry about the needle. I was explaining to my Mom about the various IVF drugs when I suddenly discovered that she has a needle phobia. Oops. She did not want to see the syringes, or even the sharps container. My gut reaction was that she was being silly, but then again, I have some pretty silly fears myself. So, while Mom was around I attempted some slight level of discretion about the shots, not that I was very good at it...

And then there was Tuesday night. Tuesday is gaming night. From 7:15 until 10:30ish I have the gamers over and attempt to run my roleplaying game, with varying degrees of success. My shots need to happen at 8:30, give or take 15 minutes. That had me shooting up during the run. I've done it before, but only ever one shot. They would never have noticed the first time had not one of them decided to use the bathroom (the one with the sharps container in it) while I went downstairs to fetch the syringe out of the fridge. Last night was different. The Lupron does not come pre-filled, and at 400 units of Follistim, it was clear I was going to have to change cartridges in the pen, so there were three seperate sticks involved, with a fairly high amount of fiddling around involved between each one. I had tried to get them talking to each other in character so I could slip off to the bathroom and shoot up, but that didn't work out. Instead, I ended up doing a lot of the prep work on the shots whilst attempting to act as GM at the same time. That meant I was distractely anwering questions and trying to play the NPCs whilst loading the lupron syringe, then I'd disappear to the bathroom to bare my belly and do the shot, then I'd reappear and attempt to pick up the GMing whilst putting the needle on the Follistim pen. Iterate for two shots of Follistim with a cartridge change in the middle. I was trying (and failing) to be a good GM. Tuesday's run was not one of my more brillant nights as a GM. I was also, I realized later, doing it again. What if one of my gamers hates needles? What if those BD microfine needles were making someone's skin crawl, and they did not appreciate seeing that which I was about to plunge into my soft underbelly? There's nothing like the belated realization that perhaps one should have been a bit more thoughtful. Ugh.

So, to my gamers: Sorry about the naked needles, I'll try not to do it again.

Current Mood: embarrassed embarrassed

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Comments
mijven From: mijven Date: December 1st, 2006 06:59 pm (UTC) (Link)

D*mn the red cross and their mad cow phobia! (I actually have a bit of needle phobia - and that was my way of trying to rationalize myself out of it. I could never watch it though...)

BTW, I wanted to thank you for some of your more detailed posts. Apparently my new SIL is going through some of this, but my brother clearly thought I knew more than I did about the whole proceedure. When they were running off to their Friday after Thanksgiving appointment (yes, almost the same timing as you!) my brother told my folks to ask me for details. Since my folks would be leaving before my brother returned, the more obvious answer of "wait until they get back and ask them" was not one of my options. Sigh.
greyautumnrain From: greyautumnrain Date: December 1st, 2006 08:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad the posts are helpful. I was hoping that since nearly all of my friends are science geeks that the bio experiment that is my life would be of interest. Helpful is even better than interesting.
mjperson From: mjperson Date: December 1st, 2006 07:17 pm (UTC) (Link)

Needles...

In my own defense, I'd like it on record that I too have got no problem with needles... I also always watch when they take blood, etc.

The thing I might recommend for future runs however, is not worrying as much about the sight of the needles, but the gesturing with them...

If I flinched now and then, it wasn't because needles are scary, it's because I had this image of accidentally getting an arm shot up with Follstim. ;-)

Obviously, I know you're perfectly careful and in control and aren't going to do anything that unfortunate even accidentally, but once the image gets in there, it's hard to get it out. Because then the scientist in me starts thinking... "Hmm, I wonder what 'Follstim' actually is, and what effects it would have if given to a male in the forearm..." which of course, leaves me all distracted as well. Sorry about that. I'll remember to have more faith next time.
greyautumnrain From: greyautumnrain Date: December 1st, 2006 08:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Needles...

Follistim is basically synthetic follicle stimulating hormone. Its what stimulates the ovaries to make eggs. I would have been mortified if I'd jabbed anyone no matter what it was. I don't think it was a danger, but that room can seem rather small. There will be no more multi-tasking.
psychohist From: psychohist Date: December 6th, 2006 06:05 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Needles...

Just wait til you see the progesterone-in-oil needles.
chenoameg From: chenoameg Date: December 1st, 2006 07:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
I bet you could also have said "hey, I need to take a five minute break now to shoot myself up."

Personally I have no issues with needles cause my Dad's been injecting insulin since I was 5.
harrock From: harrock Date: December 1st, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Dude, we're fine. Well, I'm fine, anyway. :)

I look forward to telling your kids that you were so keen to have them that you went over to the Dark Side. Of course, by the time they're old enough to remember the mischievous things that I tell them at your parties, all Star Wars references will be hopelessly dated, and they won't understand why adding "Darth" before mommy's name means it's time to Be Good Right Now. :)
desireearmfeldt From: desireearmfeldt Date: December 1st, 2006 08:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't have any particular needle squeamishness. (I do tend to look away when people do Intimate Things in public, but that applies equally to kissing, and is mostly just because I never know what expression I'm supposed to have on my face. :) )

Also, don't worry 'bout leaving us unattended, even if we haven't conveniently started debating the Nature of Yeast yet. We can keep ourselves amused, and the GM is allowed to use the bathroom even when not shooting up. :) :)
firstfrost From: firstfrost Date: December 1st, 2006 08:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hmm, I may be the most Officially Squeamish person in the run. I'm scared of heights, plus I'm not able to work up the courage to stick myself with needles. I'm okay having blood drawn or being injected or what have you, but I was totally incapable of poking myself with a lancet for a drop of blood in bio classes.

(But, like Mike, I wasn't shrinking from the idea of needles so much as wondering if you would accidentally stab him. :) )
desireearmfeldt From: desireearmfeldt Date: December 1st, 2006 08:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow, apparently things look much more exciting from the expensive seats... :)
dcltdw From: dcltdw Date: December 1st, 2006 10:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hopefully this is amusing to others as it is to me.

I'm totally okay with needles and other people. Jabbing other people with needles? Cool! When can I learn to start lines? Or seeing medics start lines on other people? Neat!

Getting jabbed myself? Nnnnnnnno. I mean, okay, "ouchie" and all that, pfft whatever, and once the damn thing is in, I'm totally cool with it. "Look! Now they can start the radioactive drip and then I'll start my mutation and then I will become all powerful muahahaha"-- but the actual stick itself, nnnnno, not so okay watching.

It's funny to me, at least. :)
fredrickegerman From: fredrickegerman Date: December 2nd, 2006 02:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Dude! A canal aqueduct with a steam excursion at each end! (At least I bet the other end is near the Severn Valley railway and Iron Bridge...) But nix on the leaning out over the edge.

No problems with needles. But I could definitely tell mjperson was reacting to the waving about...
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